Battling a Mental Disorder
It is usually hard to living in different worlds. Such is the life that people with mental disorders live each day and thus they need a lot of care to make them feel loved and fit into the society. We all need to realize that many patients with mental disorders feel that the world has rejected or is rejecting them.
I usually felt that I was like any other normal person and my life seemed completely normal. I used to wake up and go to work at normal, but I realized something wasn’t right when I started having a hard time socializing with other people. Most of my problems were usually work-related and I found myself having difficulties handling concentrating on my job. Most of the times, I would skip major job-related assignments or postpone them and this usually created a rift between me and my seniors. Such were conflicts that I was unable to handle and most of the times the resulted to major arguments.
I felt unloved. I always felt like quitting my job. I didn’t know what was wrong with me because each day when I would wake up in the morning, I always enthusiastic of playing my role in the company and I was usually one of the employees who arrived to work early. I would prepare my schedule when, but when it came to executing, problems started.
Understanding the Impact of Mental Illnesses in Work and Social Life
I received several warning letters, and most of the times I would plead with the management to spare me because I had a family who relied on me, and they would always choose to retain me. However, my behaviors didn’t quiet change. This made a co-worker to inquire from my wife what was going on with me. However, since my wife was working and living in a different city from me, she didn’t seem to know a lot. Whenever she visited, she felt that everything was normal.
I too wasn’t ready to reveal to her what was eating me in the inside. I felt a lot of guilt about what was happening to me and for my actions. But there seemed little that I could do – I too never knew what was happening to me although I usually felt that I wasn’t the same person that I used to be. I felt that people hated me, and that my dreams of ever becoming self reliant by establishing a family business were elusive. I felt as if the world was against me.
Therefore I stopped even participating in my leisure activities or going for outdoor activities like I used before. I felt that I was safe when I was alone. There was this feeling in me that when I was with other people I was a real embarrassments and thus preferred staying alone. This made life more complicated for. I would go to work as usual and in the evening I would head straight home and just sit by my PC playing video games, which helped me kill the feeling inside me.
Support is needed to help a Patient Overcome Rejection
My wife realized this when she came to stay with me during the vacation and suggested that we see a doctor which I vehemently opposed. I knew I was not myself but the thought of pouring my feelings to someone else, especially someone who was not even part of my family wasn’t something that I was ready to do. One evening after work, I passed through an alcohol joint and for the first time I took alcohol – too much for me to be even to drive home and had to stay at the outlet till my wife was called to take me home.
She must have realized the problems with me and through the efforts of her brother; they convinced me to seek medical attention. At first, I never wanted to reveal what was happening in my life to the psychiatrist, but through the conviction of my wife, I was able to tell them everything. I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) and put under medication
My wife decided to quit her job to take care of me and helped me in the journey of rediscovering myself. Though I’m still under medication, I usually act normally like anyone else as I try to socialize more with other and participate in social activities which helped to make me feel loved.